Coming back to Maine with Jeff was something I had dreamed of doing ever since I fell in love with him. So finally, here we were, standing in front of the old house that was the scene of my life from age three to eighteen. I had thought about what it would feel like to finally be back at the place; would I burst into tears of joy? sadness? homesickness? Would I cry at all? or will it really not matter that much?
Turns out I didn't cry, but it was good to be back. I think more than the house itself (that has been changed, but I'll get to that) being in the woods really brought me the most satisfaction. Walking with Jeff along the rock wall behind our property, and where Jon and I spent all those hours building a fort, and where I used to come to read when I wanted time to myself. Even though the trees are bigger and the fort is gone, there was a sameness about the forest that was infinitely comforting and familiar.
We did go into the house even though I was hesitant to do so. I didn't want someone else's reality messing with my memories. But in the end, it was cool to see the kitchen remodeled and that huge fireplace opened up. They actually use the brick oven to make pizzas! Some of the remodeling I liked (they ripped up the carpet and refinished those old wood floors, it looks great) and some I didn't (the furniture, the drapes, the wallpaper, hmm....) but it was good. You'll be happy to note that the attic, in all it's non insulated steamy heat has not changed a bit, it's just exchanged it's interior to hold someone else's beloved cast-offs.
So what do you do with a visit like this? I certainly don't want to rewind my life and go back to that time, I like my life now and all I've experienced. But being there filled me with a homesickness, for the air and the trees and the summer. Maybe that is why is important to visit, though I've been in Utah for all these years, Maine still feels like home.
